I can play TF2 now. whoo

Time to do some book learnin'

http://wiki.teamfortress.com/wiki/Main_Page

They make a lot of stuff more complicated than it really is, so here's a quick rundown of the game modes:

Capture the Flag
Exactly what it says on the box. Run into the other team's base and steal their intelligence briefcase. Bring it to where your briefcase is supposed to be and your team scores a point and a few seconds of critical hits. You kill the person carrying the flag and it drops on that spot where any enemy can grab it and continue where their fallen teammate left off. There is no way to return your intelligence to your base like in most multiplayer shooters; you have to defend it where it lies until its timer hits zero and it goes back on its own.

Control Points - 5CP
RED and BLU are fighting over 5 control points on a map. Either team can capture any of the control points, but they must be captured in order from closest to furthest from base. The deeper your team pushes into enemy territory, you spawn closer to the action, the points capture faster, and your respawn time shortens. However, don't let the enemy team push into your territory, because they get the same benefits. When your team stops capturing a point, its capture meter trickles down, so the sooner you get allies back on the point the less capture progress you lose. Time is added to the clock every time a control point changes hands.

Control Points - Attack/Defend
RED owns all the control points. BLU wants all the control points. It plays a lot like 5CP, but RED cannot recapture control points and the spawn locations usually don't advance. BLU wins if they capture all the points, RED wins if they successfully defend until time runs out. These maps are usually split into three stages, like Dustbowl.

Payload
RED has a base with a railroad track leading to a pit of explosives. BLU has a bomb cart that runs on said railroad track. Stand near the payload and it heals you, gives you ammo, and advances down the track toward the finish line. It immediately stops if an enemy gets near it. There are checkpoints on the track, which are captured immediately when the cart is completely on top of them. If you don't go near the cart for a long enough time, it starts retreating slowly (about half the speed of one person pushing it) either toward the beginning of the track or the last checkpoint you captured.

Payload Race
Just like Payload except RED has a cart too. Get to the finish line before the other team.

Territory Control
Similar to 5CP, except there are only two control points accessible at any given time. These are large maps divided into sections, and the two teams are fighting to gain control of all the points on the map. When one team is down to one point, it becomes more like attack/defend; the defending team wins if they can hold the other team back until the timer runs out.

Arena:
Both teams are fighting over one control point. When you die, you don't respawn until the next round. The team that captures the point, or has the last player standing, wins.

King of the Hill:
Similar to Arena except you respawn normally. Both teams start with a three minute timer that counts down when they own the control point. When the other team captures, their timer goes down and yours stops. First team to own the control point when their counter is at 0:00 wins.


And some class info:

Scout: Fast, can double jump, scattergun is deadly up close, but doesn't have much health.
scotch tape the wires (better than solder imo): Rocket launcher fires slow-ish rockets, has shotgun as secondary, can rocket jump pretty high. Second highest HP in the game, behind Heavy.
Pyro: Burns things. Shotgun secondary, can deflect projectiles and sticky bombs with airblast. Mmph.
Demoman: Can shoot pipe bombs that explode on impact or lay sticky bombs that can be detonated with alt-fire. Can sticky-jump great distances. Good health. Heavy drinker.
Heavy: Minigun shoots lots of boolets. Shotgun secondary. Uses his fists of steel as melee. Highest HP in the game, but slow. Great medic buddy.
Engineer: Low health, mediocre weapons (shotgun and pistol), but solves practical problems by building things.
Medic: Heals people, weak offensive capability. Second fastest class (behind Scout). Can make players invincible for a 15 seconds at a time after healing enough.
Sniper: 1-hit-kill headshots from half a map away. Sub-machine-gun secondary. Not a crazed gunman.
Spy: Low health, average speed, has invisibility cloak and can disguise as any class from either team. Stabbing opponents in the back with the knife will kill them unless they're ubercharged (invincible). Disables and destroys Engineer's buildings with a sapper.

Just pay attention to the base loadout for now, since you won't have access to any of the unlockable weapons if you just started playing.
 
Dude, the Medic is *Can'tSayThisOnTV*ing kick ass at being offensive. I go Battle Medic all the time.

Also, you forgot about Arena.
 
Please tell me you at least heal people if they need it and it doesn't put you in danger. If there's one thing I can't stand it's pure battle Medics that think themselves too hardcore to heal anyone EVEN THOUGH IT'S THEIR JOB.

Reminds me of the time I dealt with this douchebag Medic on an Arena server that would only heal people he "thought would win the game." I died multiple times because of this. So after arguing with him, I went Medic, healed everyone who needed it but made sure to keep myself safe, and I soon racked up more points in five minutes than he had during the whole three previous matches. :awesomeTW:
 
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