How does one cope with death?

[nterror]

I experienced the death of a really close friend of mine. She died in a car accident yesterday morning at 80.

I just can't accept it.

I'm waiting for the moment in which I can wake up from this surreal dream, but I know that moment isn't going to come. I keep thinking that I'll see her at the next show that comes around, but I won't.

I couldn't face classes today.

About an hour ago, I snuck into school to see all my friends, who were also close with her. I couldn't handle it. I can't handle being that vulnerable in front of others. I could hold it in until I looked over at the white board in the room we were all in. It just said her name on it.

You always hear the cliché, "You never know what you have until it's gone."

It's heartbreaking to know that no matter what drastic event comes anybody's way, everybody's lives will continue on as if nothing happened. I know I'll go into school Monday with my homework in hand, laughing with friends, ready for the week to come.

Anyway, I'm not looking for an "I'm sorry for your loss." I have that already.
I want to know if any of you guys have ever lost anybody close and how it made you feel.

 

[Hermaphroditus]

Last year around November I lost a friend in a similar fashion. She was on her way home from working at the Ren Fest and the girl that was driving her (she was pretty much legally blind and couldn't drive, she could see, but couldn't see enough to drive) fell asleep at the wheel and they crashed. She died on impact and the girl who was driving survived. It was pretty rough but you find life does go on. The first few weeks are the most painful usually, but things start getting better. I'm not saying that you will completely forget about her. The sting is ever-present but fades with time.

 

[Kickback]

I was gonna like, post something dumb like "drugs" but i like you so yeah, no.

but yeah, death requires strong and sometimes odd coping mechanisms, although, until you stop thinking of them they arent gone, sorta.

edit: yes i'm bad with words, i apologize ><

 

[Bush]

I'm sorry for your loss, man. I just lost a friend around a month ago, and the first few weeks were anything but easy. Take time off of school, meet with some friends, try to stay coherent. I too was a bit lost and disoriented by the whole thing; it didn't seem like it actually happened for awhile, and I still haven't registered it completely. Consider seeing a counselor. I cope in a really odd way, and I don't really get a lot of emotional baggage. I'm not one of those who cries easily or keeps thinking about tragedy; that's simply how I'm wired. It's been over a month now, and I'm back on my feet. The counselor I saw said I checked out fine. However, that's me, not you. I'm really odd about tragedy; it's not that I don't care, I just grieve differently than most. If you do anything, make sure you talk to someone about how you are feeling. Having support for that is key. I'm sorry you have to deal with this; just try to keep your wits about you. You can't change what happened sadly, and no matter how you may feel about it, it couldn't have been prevented. Try to avoid playing "what if" in your head, and focus on dealing with what actually happened. I wish you luck and I'm here if you need anything.

 

[S5114]

I have never lost someone so close to me, sure great-grandparents and the like, but no one I really knew. However, I do have a friend who has lost multiple friends. Some were shot as children, some died of other causes. I can tell you a friend helps. He was very depressed during a day at school when we had to say the most painful memories we had (dick move teacher). You don't have to put on a pretty face, just have some time to be vulnerable, either with friends, or by yourself. The grief never goes away, but the sadness does. I'm sorry for your loss

 

[laingsoft]

Take your time with grieving, trust me, I've dealt with the passing of both of my grandparents recently. It's tough, but it's just part of life.
Don't worry, tomorrow holds better days.

 

[AfroLH]

Make sure to remember all of the good times you've had with her. Remember the impact she's made on your life. Think about the impact she has had on others. Remember how amazing of a person she was.
If you know her parents, go visit them. Look through happy photos of her.
Mourn her death, but make sure her memory lives in you even after you stop mourning.

As long as you live, she lives vicariously through the impact she has made on you.


Sounds cheesy, but thinking like that is how I deal with death.

 

[nterror]

Thanks, guys. I've been lucky to become a part of a tight group of friends who I can share this with, which makes it all the easier to handle. The night of the incident, everybody got together and was in deep mourning, but tonight I spent the day with a few of my closer things and we were able to look at everything in a more positive way than before. While I still haven't gotten over her death, I was able to enjoy myself tonight, which was incredibly important.

 

[S5114]

We're all one group of bright minds that share a common interest. Once you're in, you receive the greatest virtual manlove ever.

 

[ShockSlayer]

*brofist for life*

 

[grossaffe]

I think everyone's got their own coping mechanisms and you have to find what works best for you. Maybe you need time to think about it or maybe you need to take your mind off of it.

 

[04tm34l3]

Cherish your mournful feelings.

My grandfather passed about a month ago. I grieved for days. However if felt comforting to feel sorrow, for if I felt indifferent about the death, it would prove that I had a meaningless relationship with him while he was alive.

 

[Bush]

Cherish your mournful feelings.

My grandfather passed about a month ago. I grieved for days. However if felt comforting to feel sorrow, for if I felt indifferent about the death, it would prove that I had a meaningless relationship with him while he was alive.

I disagree with this. Being indifferent to death isn't "wrong." For many people, this is the only way they can perceive it. I don't mean to argue, just wanted to point out that there isn't a wrong way to handle tragedy.

 

[04tm34l3]

Cherish your mournful feelings.

My grandfather passed about a month ago. I grieved for days. However if felt comforting to feel sorrow, for if I felt indifferent about the death, it would prove that I had a meaningless relationship with him while he was alive.

I disagree with this. Being indifferent to death isn't "wrong." For many people, this is the only way they can perceive it. I don't mean to argue, just wanted to point out that there isn't a wrong way to handle tragedy.

I didn't mean it like feeling indifferent about tragedy is wrong, I meant more like feel happy that you are sad because that means that you had true feelings for that person while they were around. Does this make more sense?

 

[Bush]

Ah, yes, it does.

 

[nterror]

I understand what you mean, and I agree halfway.
At this moment in particular, I'm in a relatively good mood, even though it's only been two days. I was sad the day of and most of yesterday, but last night, as I said, I got together with some friends and we were able to have a good time, and I've been predominantly happy since. I felt comfort in my sorrow, but I also feel comfort in the fact that I'm able to push ahead in a more peaceful state of mind. That isn't to say that there won't be more tears in the future. There will be many more times for mourning, but it isn't bad to take the time to enjoy yourself and cherish the life most important to you: your own.

 

[pLover]

I've never had any close friends of mine die, thank goodness. I've had pets die, and that's rough, but it's not the same. When I was 5, my grandfather died, and I loved him very very much. It's been 10 years, now, though, and I was young, so I don't remember it too well. I remember that I took it incredibly hard, but because it's such a distant memory, it feels almost as if it happened to someone else who told me about it, instead of it actually happening to me. Sometimes, life is hard, and there isn't much we can do when those times come around. Stay strong, buddy.

Though it isn't the most comforting sentiment, I feel I should say that it is good to be sad that she's gone. It means that your time together was all the more meaningful. Some would say it's better to be close and have to let her go than it is to have never been close at all.

 

[Basement_Modder]

Been there...

It gets better. Sorry for your loss.

 

[nterror]

It's already gotten a lot better. I've been enjoying myself around my friends, and I've been able to push the worse thoughts out of my mind in general. It's still upsetting, but I think a lot of the mourning is over with, which is something that truly makes me happy.

 

[S5114]

My school's spanish teacher just died suddenly. She was in her forties. We honored her today in a choir concert and I cried. It's hard to sing while crying.